Cat Trains Human

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I am da most awesum kitten dat ever was!

Dat's what elixabet say when I began her obedience training. So, I was trainin' elixabet, see. I try menny tymes before she unnerstand what she sposed ta do.

I hunted for me mousie all over da house. He gots away so menny tymes. I hunt everywhere. But no can find him.

They's so many mousies n balls n toys, but I wants only me special mousie. Da one wit da blue fur and no tail. I ate his tail one time. elixabet worry bout dat for a while. But, is okay. When I was little me mama brought us kittens mouses all da tyme. So I know what to do wid dem. I miss me Mama sometymes but Bambi say it okay, Bambi can be my pretend mama. So, dats okay wid me. Don't hardly member me brudders n sissies no more. Dats okay, too. I got Bambi. I got Ninja. I got elixabet and da Monk. So, I not lonesome. I know from da shelter dat they got good homes, too.

I ask Ninja, where me mousie? I ask Bambi, where me mousie? Ninja say I has plenty toys. Go play wid one of dem dats in the dresser cubby space. Is okay, he say. Can have fun dat way.

But I wants me speshul mousie!!!

Bambi say, did you check behind doors? in corners? hidden under fings? Where did you have it last time you played with it?

I dunno. Don't member.

Toys do dat ya know. Toys likes ta hide cus dey wants ta play hide n seek. Sometymes dey jus wanna rest. Sometymes dey jus disappear forever.

I don't wants me mousie ta disappear!

I lookt all dem places what Bambi said. Den I look under frigerator. Aha! Der was my mousie. I finds my mousie under da fridge. I such a good hunter. Huh?

I get mousie out from under da fridge. I work hard. Out. Out. Come out mousie. Let's play. Me paws was dirty all way up to my... whatcha callem.... elbohs? An elixabet she see me all dirty. But I gots me mousie in me mouf, and she think she gonna take it away from me but I hang on tyte to mousie. She want to pick me up, wash me off, but I get away from her. Ha ha! she give up.

So now she ready to learn from me. I run all ziga zag in front of her. She laugh. She sit down to watch. So I puts da mousie in front of her. Ya know? Like a gift. Like when me Mama brought gifts. So, I sit dere and wait. She coo at me."What a good kitty!" Ov course I good kitty! She don't hafta tell me dat. But is nice to know she figger dat out. So, I pounce at mousie, but not so hard. Just pounce near it, so she think I wanna play.

Ninja n Bambi, dey watchin alla tyme. Dey smilin. Dey laughin. Dey fink so funny dat I bother to try to teach elixabet tricks and trainin her ta do what I want. I gonna show dem, I fink. I gonna show dem!

She is gettin' it! She know I wanna play. She pick up mousie n toss him across da room. Yeah, she got teh idea now! Okay, so I runs to catch mousie. Make her laugh. I grabs mousie in my teef, and bring mousie back to her. Jus out of reach so she know I want her to get it. She pick up mousie again and trhow it. Yay! she one smart hooman! So I tell her wid a little mew purr. She a good girl! She smile. I runs n bring back mousie. She so happy she learning. I train her all day.

She get up and go to bafroom. Comb her hair all fallin' down in her face. Take her pills. I foller her in dere wid me mousie. Yup! I play wid him, bounce him all round da baftub so she not forget ta play.

Den she go lie down on dat big bed. She fink I gonna let her rest? I leap up wid mousie n she throw again n again.

I run,
I jump,
I leap,
I flies,
I smash into wall,


I dig behind door n under bed to find mousie each time, so she never forget how to play da game of Throw. She call it fetch, but I call it Throw.

She can call it fetch if she wantsta. But, I jus happy she learn so good n fast.

We play hard til I huff n puffin' and she got arm tired.

I climb on puter table wit my mousie and lay it down dere so mousie not get lost again.

We play again tomorrow. See if she member her training.

Now I rest. All tired out.