Aug 2, 2010
Cat Collar Catastrophe
I politely sniffed the new collar. It smell good enuff. That Ok. I seed how purrty it was. But, when she starts ta put it on me, I back up. Only thing is, she was already behind me! So, I couldn't back up fur enuff without landing on her lap. So I gots stuck there, and she put dat collar right around my neck. By dat tyme I already upside down and slapping her wiff my tail in da face, but she still persisss, and latch da collar shut.
I pretend effurrything is cool and walk away. But all night long I scratch at dat collar and it jes go round and round my neck and nowhere it stop.
I spent dis morning trying ta back out of it, rolling my neck against things and turning over and over, but dat not work. This one of those trick collars... ain't no beginning, aint no end.
Bambi tell me I a bad boy. She say I needs the collar so Miss E can put tag with my name on it. I tell her mind her own buzniss, I already knows my name! Den she say she throw up her paws. She say, now I a teenager she don't know whats ta do wiff me. Well, I don'ts know what ta do wiff her either. So there! We even!
Ninja say, make calm, make relax and accept collar as a natrul part of me. He say he have many collars in all martial arts, but they is called belts. I just look at him hard in the eyes until he look away. So much for Ninja!
This morning I hided under the bed and I stick my jaw unnerneath the collar. It a streachy collar so I got it ta streach right up over my teefs and I begin chewing. And so I chew and chew and chew on it a long time and start cutting dat collar in half. It taken a long time, I tellya! By the tyme I half way thru chewing da collar in half, I already back up out of the bedroom and out inta da hallway and backed into the linen cabinet, and I is still chewing! I mus admit my teefs and my jaw getting awful tired.
Then, Miss E, she find me, and her make those baby cry noises at me and I so glad she pick me up and slide dat collar right off me like a blinky eye. (How she do dat so fast?) And I so tired all I wanna do is have her hold me. And dat what she do. Hold me. Maybe now she believe me when I tell her no more cat collars!