Remembering the Dowager Queen

Missing Keli

Still in your mother's womb, the vet said you were dead. He was wrong, and you were born into my hands. I knew from that moment, I would be yours. You would be mine. I sang to you, "Oh, My Darling, Clementine."

I miss your perfect tufted ears, and sweet wet nose. I miss your sweet apple face, short munchkin legs, and soft fur, miss your firm little body sitting on my chest, the weight of your wisdom seeping into my heart.

Your body lies buried outside the door, but my heart does not rest. Your presence is not in the garden. I know your spirit is not there.

The catnip patch is lonely for you. The leaky faucet calls your name in the middle of the night. Your friend, the hummingbird, sits on his branch, bereft.

I searched the clouds for a sign, like the time we saw your form there. I looked for you in my dreams, but you were not there. I went to the Rainbow Bridge to seek you out, but could not find you.

Are you in the arms of the angels? Are you purring your songs across the universe? Are you right beside me, but I cannot see?

Help me find some comfort, precious Keli. Take my broken heart into your angel paws. Tickle me again with your whiskers in the dark lonely nights. Take my crying eyes, and lick my tears like before.

You gave me strength to get through those painful years when I was sick. Remember? You pounced on me when I stopped breathing. Remember the time you woke me before the fire got too big? I remember, you warned me when the big dog entered the house.

I remember riding in the car with you sniffing the air when we came down the mountain. It was then, you knew we had arrived, finally home. I remember those times I couldn't take you with me. Loud meows scolding me. Remember? You turned tail on me with nose in the air, slinking beneath my reached out hand. How dare I leave you behind? You hid in the closet while I searched. I wanted to pet you, to love you, to have you in my arms again. How quickly you forgave me. Remember?

I was in awe of how much you loved water. Soaking wet as you stood under the sprinkler to drink! On the edge of the bathtub, you sat, temperature testing. Remember the time you fell in, my dear?

You were my best friend twenty years. Your eyes spoke to me of devotion, disdain, humor and love.You gave me healing and blessings.

I feel your spirit all around me, now.

I will pass through time with you in my heart.

To Honor the Memory of Dowager Queen

~~~

Rest in Peace Beautiful One

We will always remember you with love in our hearts, and rely on your wise angel presence when you guide us through the mysteries of our feline nine lives.

Today would have been Miss Keli's 21st birthday. 

Now you know why she was called the Dowager Queen. 

Computer Literate Cat

Spyder is getting very computer literate.

His dyslexia gets in the way sometimes, But he wanted me to tell you about a site where Keli and Jeffery are being honored. Keli has been gone 9 months, and Jeffery 3 months.

It's a website we are all probably familiar with called about.com They have a section on Cats that is
singlehandedly managed, organized and authored by Franny Syufu. She works hard and it shows in the quality of her site. So many cats and people who love cats benefit.

Among the many ways Franny focuses her site to meet the needs of cat lovers is that she has provided an opportunity to have a Memorial photo and story of your cat online.

I sent in the pictures of Keli and Jeffery that I would like used and wrote something about each of them. If you would like to do the same, be sure to read the instructions carefully. It is very exacting, but it's necessary for Franny to run the site, meet all the needs of cats and their people and still to take care of the technical end of keeping the site running well.

This is where my darling Keli Clementine was featured

I wrote a poem for her.
 I hope you will drop by the site and read it.
Doesn't she look lovely in this picture?

Can you notice the aura about her head?

She was a very special creature.

This is the memorial link for my Jeffery

He loved sitting out in the garden beneath the pine tree.

And in this case, surrounded by fresh catnip
Isn't he a handsome fellow?
I just love this picture of him.

Calico Transfer

I had told Xavier that I would deliver Keli's poster to him. Even though it is a very long drive between here and San Francisco I was determined. But, today he called to tell me that his friend, Ian could bring it up to him. All I had to do was drive to Ian's house and give it to him.

I realized that Xavier and his friends would all be traveling together to Big Rock. He mentioned before that he had rented a truck to transport everything, all their tents, camping gear and supplies to sustain them in the desert for a week. He mentioned that the Playa had a very alkaline soil, that there were dust storms.

All I could think about was, where would Keli's memorial poster fit into the scheme of things? It would be too delicate if tucked up against some picnic chests or folding tables and chairs. What if, in traveling, the load shifted, and Keli's poster were to get all scraped up and smooshed against the wall of a truck? What could I do to protect it? I would be going too far to wrap it in a special box. But, a non-descript plastic or paper bag would allow it to be visually lost among everything else. I know my son is responsible, but in the midst of unpacking and setting up their camp as a group, it is possible the poster might be set aside, forgotten, and just not found when looked for.

Silly of me to worry. Deep inside I know it will all work out perfectly. Just the same I decided to take Bambi's mesh "tent" and turn it into a poster holder. It was perfect. Originally designed to carry laundry, it was a wonderful tent for Bambi to play in. She often played so rough with it that she flattened it. The perfect shape to put the poster in. And now, it will bring attention to it by it's unusual appearance and not misplaced.

I drove to Ian's house. He held the poster for me while I took pictures of it, and then took it into his house as we said good bye.

And so, dear Keli's poster, thus begins your journey. I hope her spirit will watch over you and benefit from her experience of going to meet her boy, Xavier, grown now to a man, who held her body in his arms, and cried when we put her in the ground. I hope that this will help appease some of those demons of depression that demoralize me.

I remember what a remarkable place the Temple was for Xavier last year. I remember how he told me about the way a hushed reverence embraced the place. I remember he told me of all the names tucked into the wall, all the prayers, all the comments made to loved ones lost to death by the many thousands who attended Burning Man. I remember him telling me at the end of the Burning Man experience, the Temple is lit on fire, to burn to the ground. Ashes to Ashes.... Playa dust to dust. And I think... what more perfect way to get rid of those demons but to burn them in the effigy of my most beautiful Keli.

And so today, Keli Memorial begin's her journey up to San Francisco and subsequently, on Saturday, She will arrive at Burning Man. She is ready. I am ready for her to go to be placed in the temple with all those others who are remembered and loved. And then all her pictures, (the creation and representation of her earthly life and spirit life) will be immolated,
will go up into smoke,
high in the star filled sky.
Will the ash of her poster reach the heavens?

Maybe. But she is still here with me. Perhaps it is my terrible grief that will be freed in the fire?

I hope that I can heal from this grief in a healthier way, and I feel like, maybe, this is the beginning.

Spirit Cat

This was started as a memorial card and quickly grew into a poster. I had a small notebook beside me while I worked and as I aligned the pictures thoughts and memories would come to me and I jotted them down in the notebook.

I was going to paste the notes underneath the pictures, but realized that my thoughts needed to stay with me.

The pictures could go off to Burning Man and be burned in the Playa Temple. It made me think of cremation of the body, which I hadn't had done for Keli. Wish I had, as there is something disturbing knowing she is rotting four feet beneath the soil right now. If there ever is a next time, I will go the extra expense of cremation. If I suddenly won the lottery. I think I would have her dug up and cremated.

This memorial card turned into a poster. I had started a water color painting a few years ago. A painting of a universe of sorts with planets and a nebulous cloud resembling the eyes of the buddha. But, I never finished it. Waiting all these years there it was begging me to be used for Keli. I took her pictures, and cut them all into individual Keli's to be placed on the planets, to float in space. To be the center of the universe with her third eye chakra wide open in wisdom and compassion. To represent that being who occupied the earthly body. To represent Keli's higher spirit that which is beyond this plane of existence. Her intuition, her gifts of healing, her power to influence the mind.

I worked feverishly on this. I felt unwell physically throughout all this, but felt compelled to complete it.