Can a Cat Propose?

I, Ninja Panther Moonrose, hereby propose my New Year's Resolutions:

1. I shall lose weight.
How I will do this, I don't know. Mama-San has already put the kitten's automatic feeder in a position so tight against the wall, and behind a terrarium that I can't quite get to it! Besides, when I try to squeeze behind there, she reminds me with a squirt of her water pistol to get out of there. She is so helpful! But, my own feeder is freely available to me at any time day or night. It's full of diet cat food, the best that money can buy, I've been told. That being the case, you would think I would lose weight. But, here I am at 14 pounds, that's one full stone in UK weight. I know there are others who might weigh this much normally, but I'm a small bone ninja cat. My full grown up body weight when I was adopted was 11 pounds.... (.78 stone) You would think that with our new little baby kitten hanging around here and chasing me all the time, all that exercise would get rid of those extra love handles (my cat pouch)

2. I shall make every endeavor to exercise
The best way I know how to do this is to go outside like I did when I was young and fit. Jumping fences, tormenting the dogs to chase me, leaping after birds, hunting mouses. You know, stuff like that. But, that's hard to accoomplish when Mama-San keeps the doors and windows locked all the time. And since The Monk installed those cat proof window screens, I can no longer successfully open them no matter how I try! Not fair!

3. I shall help our new baby kitten to grow up healthy.
I already help her by cleaning out her bowl of nice wet food when she walks away. We don't want her to eat stale food, now, do we?

4. I shall continue to protect and serve Her Royal Highness, Queen Bambi.
I guess I should have made this one first and foremost. huh?

5. I will continue to educate that stubborn and slow minded boycat, Spyder, in kitty martial arts.
What more can I say. Self explanatory!

6. I will respect Mama-San by not putting my open claws in her lap.
She always screeches when I do it, so I don't think she likes it! Though sometimes I can't help myself. She's got a good cat pouch growing and it just invites me to dig into it. You know what I mean?

7. I will continue to enthusiastically greet the Monk whenever he calls on the telephone and push my face right up into the receiver to guarantee that he hears me.
I shall do this because he likes it, plus all his friends who hear him on the phone talking to me, realize I'm one pawsome cat

8. I will greet the Monk at the door and walk around between his legs in order to help him when he is bringing in his luggage.
I understand this helps him considerably to keep his balance.

9. I will test out all the kitty beds in the house, even if they already belong to somecat else.
After all, my bed is all the way in the back guest room and too much trouble to get to. And this keeps everyone in suspense and they need the tension! ...What?!!!

 10. I will jump up on the bed between the Monk and Mama-San just as soon as they get comfortable, and roll all over them so that they can enjoy the inexplicable honor of petting me and rubbing my belly.

They like to do that the best and I am willing to accommodate them. In fact I wake them up in the middle of the night to allow them to do so every chance I get. I don't understand why they keep putting me out of the room.

This is a pretty impressive New Year's resolution plan. Don't you think? What are yours?